Sheddin' the Fat Suit!

Epiphany... Epifany... yeah, how ever ya spell that one :)

Saturday, December 8, 2007 22:06:23

Seriously, I wonder how many times I am going to go thru this whole "starting fresh" phase. I mean, how many times can you really "start fresh" before it's no longer fresh?? LOL.

Every day I am reminded somehow of my weight issue. It's either the way my clothes fit, an extra lump or roll I feel, the way my hips hang over a seat at school, the way I just barely fit in the bus seat, etc, etc, etc.

I constantly feel that people notice my weight. Especially since I am single now. I feel like most guys never give me a chance because they stop once they see my weight. I know I have a kick ass personality, but at my weight... it's hard to prove it when people automatically close their minds and hearts to you because of what they see on the outside.

Matter of fact, that very issue was the root cause of the failed 3 year relationship. I was so so mad for such a long time. Mad and frustrated that so many people can't see past the weight. I still am a little bit. I get pissed when I realize that really nice guys who would normally be attracted to me, don't even see me in that light because I am large.

But then it donned on me... I am not attracted at all to large or overweight men. How hypocritical of me?!!?? I don't know why I never thought of that before. I see where some men are coming from now... I have the same judgemental attitude. Sad but true.

One good thing is I think I have mastered maintanence... LOL... granted it is not at the weight I want to maintain, BUT I finally stopped gaining and have stayed around the same weight for over a year now. So, that gives me some incentive that once I get my weight down, I might, just MIGHT be able to keep it off. Yay me!!!

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2 Months into it...

Monday, December 3, 2007 00:03:10

Well, as for my resolutions, the weight loss of one pound a week is okay. I have lost about 6 pounds. It's hard to get an acurate weighing because my weight fluctuates so violently from day to day. I can be 180 today and 183 tomorrow and 179 the next day and 184 the next. I try to weight weekly but I am addicted to my scale. LOL. It's a love-hate relationship.

Keeping up on my reading from class... HAH. Maybe I'll get that one down one of these days. Little did I realize that two of my three classes this quarter were being taught by the greatest speed readers of all times, who assign (NO LIE) 50-100 pages of scholarly jounal readings a class. That's insane. I tried for like the first week or two and literally had no time to do anything but work part time and go to class and read. It was crazy.

As for # 3... it's been come and go. Of course, my Florida Christmas trip didn't help with the debt. Expenses come up, especially with 3 sickly pets and a sickly self :).

#4... I think I have done really well with this one. Especially with keeping my patience with Nayt (my guy). I was an only child for a long long long time, so I am used to everything going my way. Not that I was spoiled, my mother was actually very strict, but I never really had to share anything. So I am learning how to really live with someone you are in a relationship with. It can be tough, but very nice as well.

#5... I wasn't doing so well with this one, but I joined a gym near my house and I have been working out pretty regularly. Plus Nayt and I just started the "Fitness Challenge" game back up, so the competition is ON! Oh, and at work we started a weight loss contest, so I really have all the motivation in the world to work out and get in shape!

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Resolutions

Saturday, December 1, 2007 00:01:14

Hi all! I hope everyone had a great holiday season!

I am sure that pretty much everyone that is writing today is writing about resolutions so I figured I'd jump on the bandwagon! :)

Here are my 2008 Resolutions.

1) Lose 1 pound a week.

2) Keep up on my readings for class.

3) Income = 75% debt and 25% save.

4) Strive to be more patient and more positive.

5) Minimum 30m cardio daily and strength training on Mon/Wed/Fri

Why and How?

1) I tend to have an all or nothing attitude toward everything I do. It's awesome yet frustrating. I have always tried to lose weight fast, and when I set my mind to it I can lose 30 pounds quickly. But I am tired of gaining it back. I just recently visited my entire family (in Florida) for the first time in 2 years and not only am I the heaviest I have ever been I am about 35 lbs heavier than when they remember me... and my family minces no words when it comes to appearances. So I was reminded time and time again how much weight I have gained. My promise to them and most of all to myself was to lose a pound a week. That's 52 pounds in a year. I plan on returning next Christmas to shock them all. I plan on wearing a bikini for the first time in my adult life to Siesta Keys next Christmas. : ) I weight 190lbs right now, and my goal weight is 135lbs. Losing a pound a week will put me at 138 when I go home. Which will pretty much be right at my goal weight.

I have decided to ditch all diets I have tried in the past and to learn how to do this right, once and for all.

I want this to be a lifestyle change.

I want to learn how to eat healthy for the rest of my life.

I don't want any one food or food group to be off limits.

I want to learn how to take tiny baby steps that will eventually make a huge difference.

I want to be healthy.

I have decided to do it the old fashioned way. I will count calories. I don't want to log my food for the rest of my life, but I want to log what I eat for a while, so I can get used to what I really need to be eating. I need about 1800 cal a day to maintain my current weight. So, I'm going to cut out 500 cal's a day.

I will aim for 1500 cals of food daily and 200 cals burnt by exercise.

That equals a 500 daily and 3500 weekly calorie deficit. In other words... ONE POUND A WEEK.

I don't want to lose it any faster than that, because I don't want the weight to come back.

2) I am the world's best procrastinator. I am always lagging behind in class because I don't keep up with the outside reading materials. I have TONS of time this quarter. I dropped one of my classes so I can focus on school better. I will keep up on my readings and I will not waste my time on things like the internet. I will set times for me to check my email and write on extrapounds but I will not spend countless hours browsing and feeding my internet addiction.

3) Thank the big guy in the sky that my tuition and bills are mostly paid for. So with my part time pay check I will pay 75% toward my debts and 25% toward savings.

4) Patience may be a virue but it certainly is not one I seem to possess LOL. So, I want to be a more patient and more positive person. I used to be VERY positive, but with the daily grind and stress of working crazy nighttime hours (thank God that's over... never again!!!), and trying to go to school full time, I became a cranky burnt out negitive angry person. I don't even want to be around me when I am like that. So, I will strive to be more kind, patient, and positive.

5) This should probably tie in with #1, but so important to me that I decided to give it it's own #. LOL. I have no problem with cardio... but I despise strength training. I will change my attitude toward strength training. You always hear that you will lose more weight if you strength train. I never really beleived it, but I read something that yesterday that made sense and made the whole strength training thing click. When women and men try to lose weight, men usually seem to lose it quicker... right? Well, men have more muscles, which makes them burn fast quicker. Duh... I can't beleive I never realized that. So, I will strength train on Mon, Wed, and Fri and build more muscle for myself. :)

Okay... those are my resolutions. Wish me luck!

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Stupid Slippery Slopes

Thursday, November 2, 2006 00:07:23

Well, winter is officially here in Columbus, Ohio. We had our first snow a few days ago. And with winter comes ice and slush and lots of bitter cold mornings where its oh so hard to pull one's self out of bed to head to the gym. While the cities little kids are sliding and sledding down the icy slopes, I'm busy sliding and sledding down the slipery slopes of weight loss denial-ville.

I signed a contract with my boyfriend a few weeks ago stating that I had to pay him 500 dollars if I don't work out atleast 4 days a week. After 3 strikes I have to pay him the money or he swears he's taking me on Judge Judy. LOL. Sooo... with a combination of it being finals week at school and with the first snow of the winter I DID not work out very well this week. That stupid contract was the only thing that really made me go to the gym tonight. I worked out Sunday and Monday, so I HAD to work out tonight and I HAVE to work out tomorrow to prevent getting my first "strike". Good thing we signed that contract!!! LOL. It's a great motivator when everything else fails.

So, I'm back at it. I have officially navigated over my first speed bump. And boy was it a big one. It was more like a detour really LOL. But... I'm back at it. I am nervous about going home (Florida) in a week and a half. I have gained about 20 pounds since my family last saw me 2 years ago. I love my family but they are quick to point out any added pounds. Especially my great aunt Zula. She's 94 and has never had a weight problem in her life. I think she weighs all of 94 pounds LOL. She likes to point out when I've put on a few. Last time she said something I replied... thanks for pointing that out aunt Zula, I haven't looked in the mirror lately. LOL.. I tried to say it as politely as I could but I was most def a little peeved.

Well, fellow EP'ers... off I go to sleep. Gotta work early tomorrow... yuck.

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Ugh.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006 22:08:22

I despise cameras. Trully despise them. When I look in the mirror I don't see big me. I see me. Simply me. I don't see a fat girl. I don't see almost 200 pounds of jiggle and flubber. But when I look at recent pictures of me I seriously think... WHO'S THE FAT GIRL? I look huge. The most recent picture was of me and a chinese friend of mine who is rail thin... so that doesnt help the hating camera factor. BUT, I look like a mammoth whale next to her. I know all of this is negative, but it helps to whip me back into shape when I've had days like the last few days where I am starting to slip again. Yuck. Big me. Don't like her and I want her to go away LOL. Bye Bye Big Girl. :) Cause Skinny Steph is coming into town and she's gonna kick your butt! Comments(1)

Day 18... Where'd Day 17 go???

Tuesday, October 31, 2006 22:08:06

Day 17 was... well, more or less, a speedbump in my journey. A big distracting speedbump. You know, we all have them. Days where you think "healthy eating, smealthy eating". I didn't wake up early enough to go the gym this morning, I pushed the snooze button every 10 mintues for an hour and a half instead. I did work out yesterday though.

I will get back on track. I will not be in denial this time and I will not let myself slip down the slippery slope of couch potatoe and cookie dough mountain. Or I, myself, will be as big as a mountain. I ate a big bowl of chinese gourmet takeout last night and I feel like crap. It's amazing to me, I have been eating healthy for 2.5 weeks, I slip once and eat something that is REALLY not healthy and I feel like I am in a fog. I have been doing really well waking up in the morning (I'm a snooze button addict), and the last few weeks, I go to bed around 10pm and am able to wake up at 4:30am to go to the gym with little to no problems. Somedays I have even woken up right before my alarm goes off. No groginess, no crankiness, no snooze button marathons. But this morning, POST chinese... was HELL. The LAST thing I wanted to do was get out of bed. I needed to wake up early to study for a quiz. HAH. Chinese sure tasted good, but what ever was in the carb filled goodness wreaked havoc on my body. No more Chinese take out. I'll stick to George Forman'd chicken and vegies thank you very much.

Not that I am making excuses but finals week is next week and I have LOTS to study for. My procrastination/perfectionistic self has of course procrastinated until the very last moment. So... I am going to go, so I can go to school and try to be a sponge and absorb all of the knowledge my teachers bestow on me at the very last minute before finals. Blah. :) I will work out tonight to counteract yesterday's eating frenzy.

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Day 16. Spinning the weight away.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006 22:06:07

I decided to up my cardio routine today and challenge myself. So, I signed up for the spinning class at the gym this morning. I don't feel too sore this morning but I am sure I will be hurting tomorrow. I only lost 1.6lbs this week. Okay, granted it WAS a loss... but still. I expected to lose a little more than that. And go figure, I say I wanna be 188 and I'm 188.4. Blah. :) But once again, it is a loss. Not a gain. Anywho, I need to tighten down my diet. I'm sure Thanksgiving and all that extra Halloween chocolate I've been consuming hasn't helped my weight loss any. I want to keep challenging myself. So today I promise to try something new everyday at the gym this week. Whether it be a new class or a new machine. No more elliptical/treadmill workout only.

Workout today:

Spinning class: 45min

Cardio Total: 17hr 25min

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Day 15

Tuesday, October 31, 2006 22:05:11

I really think this whole eating healthy thing is setting in... FINALLY! Yeeyay! I mean, I do get the occasional BK urge, but I immediately picture "before" me and my jiggly rolls of blubber as I eat some fries. I have 6 days left for this to be an "official" habit. Yipee. I definitely see the difference in my body, my stomach is smaller and a wee bit flatter. My thighs aren't as lumpy, and my butt is a little tighter :). It's a refreshing difference. I weigh in tomorrow. You don't know how hard it is to stay away from the scale LOL. I hope I'm at or below 188. That's my goal this week. AND my goal next week is to STAY AWAY FROM CANDY. NO BAD SUGAR!!! I need to kick that craving in the butt. I LOVE LOVE LOVE mini milky way candy bars (from halloween). I know eating them is only stunting my habit of eating healthy food and relying on fruit to fulfil my sugar cravings. So... next week... no candy. Not even ONE piece!!!

Workout: Ellitical 60min

Cardio Total: 16hr 40min

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Day 14 - the day after the day after Turkey Day :)

Tuesday, October 31, 2006 22:04:16

Sorry I didn't blog yesterday. I haven't been terribly good with my eating. Then again, it hasn't been horrible. I made my boyfriend throw away our no-bake cheesecake. I still have not much self control when it comes to cheesecake and grahmn cracker crusts. Mmmm. LOL. And I snuck a few pieces of candy too. BUT I did count it all. So, I'm still keeping myself accountable. It's amazing how quick candy adds up. I love laffy taffy and had about 10 pieces of it at work today. When I got home, I went online and found the calorie count for laffy taffy. It's approx. 30 cal for one little mini bar. That's 300 calories in candy today. Wow. I also went to the gym and worked my tail off. 700 calories worth of working my tail off. fitday is a great site. I pretty much quit counting points. I like the calorie idea better. Well, I don't know if I like it better per se, I just think it breaks up the monotony of counting points. Maybe when I get sick of counting calories I'll switch back to points LOL. Hey, whatever works. As long as I don't give up this time. That's all that matters!!!

I didn't blog yesterdays workout so..

Trail speed walking: 50min

Todays workout:

Treadmill HIIC 45min

Elliptical HIIC 45min

Cardio Total: 15hr 40min

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Day 12 - Turkey Day

Tuesday, October 31, 2006 22:02:12

Hi all! Happy Turkey Day!!!

My guy and I are not having anything big and fancy. We just bought a small seasoned pack of turkey breasts and some sides, like mashed potatoes, stuffing, and stuff for green bean caserole. :) Usually Saturday is my "free" day but I'm gonna switch it up this week for Thanksgiving. Well... here's my workout.

Treadmill LIC 45 min

Elliptical HIIC 45 min

Total Cardio = 13 hr 20 min

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