12/31/2009 20:43
Not even trying today.
One of the pacts I am making with myself for 2010 is no more fast food and junk food. Since I am clearly incapable of making smart choices when I go to a McDonalds or a Rally's, I am going to avoid the whole situation by not even going to those places anymore.
So today, is my last day. I figure that tomorrow, I will toss most of the unhealthy food we have in the house- to turn over a new leaf and everything. So tonight, we'll have fried green chilli wontons, chicken wings, etc. I also had a Baconzilla for lunch. Now, i have no excuses. It will be all out of my system after today.
On another note- I went for a run last night. 2.4 miles. My left knee hurt like hell, but I felt okay about it.
12/29/2009 06:41
The root of the root...
It wasnt until last year that I realized the root of my problem. I was in a yoga session, NOT being peaceful and contemplative. As per usual, I got to thinking about things and I realized that my problem- my love affair with food, actually started as a little kid.
My mom would get us treats (candy) at the grocery store when we went to get groceries. While in part it had to do with our behavior during the time we got groceries, it was in large part how her mood was. Treats meant that she was in a good mood- the world was right. Things were okay. No treats meant that she was in a bad mood. She was pissed about something (or angry with us kids).
Add to this, that fact that she told me for as long as I could remember that my sister and I were fat. Always. I grew up believing that I was fat... its amazing the things that you believe when you're young. In one of her numerous tirades, she would say things like, "You and your fat ass just sitting there, with that stupid look on your face. Wipe that look off your face before I slap it off." Even when I got to be aware of my own body (like in 7th grade), I had no perception of what it really was like. Since I was usually taller than other people in my class, I had gotten used to being bigger than everyone else.
The thing is: I came across a picture of me, I think I was a sophomore or a freshman- I wasn't fat. As a senior, I was 140 pounds. I was thin. Holy what? Yeah. But I never remember ever feeling good about myself, about my body. I felt good about being a soccer player. And being pretty decent at that. But I never remember feeling good about my body. So my guess is that you take that sort of situation and add emotions about food= being over weight 15 years later.
I guess I shouldn't be surprised.
12/28/2009 04:40
The journey of a thousand miles and all that...
Could I be any more band-wagon? For real!! At least I am getting this set up prior to Jan 1. So I have that going for me.
In any case. I had a kid about four and a half months ago- I sort of lost a lot of the baby weight. But now, I have about fifty pounds I want to lose. Truth be told, I could stand to lose 60. But lets start with 50. Just for shits and giggles. I figure that even me, the Queen of the Lazies, can manage a pound a week.
Of course, only I would attempt such an undertaken with the sheer amount of junk food I have sitting in the house. My food situation the last week: thin mint cookies I made, cupcake contests, baklava tray, beer, soda. Too few fruits and veggies, too many sweets. I guess I could go cold turkey tomorrow. But that seems a bit dramatic. However, I did write in my planner that i wanted to walk three times tomorrow (one mile a piece). So it wouldn't make much sense to walk three miles and finish off the tray of baklava.
Will post on the 31st my fitness goals :(
